So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
