i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
