put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
