I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
