I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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