I seem to have left my pride at pride
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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