this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize