The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
