I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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