I hate your face
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
