Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
