How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
