I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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