Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
