what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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