His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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