i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
