Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
