lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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