Got a toothbrush?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
