The maid of honor just puked.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
