Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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