Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
