is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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