What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
