So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
