Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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