I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize