he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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