I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
40s are totally the cure
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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