you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
