Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
