So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
