you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
