u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
