What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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