Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
