When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Too much gin, very little bucket
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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