Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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