not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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