i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
