even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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