dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
