You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
