you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I could fuck to npr.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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