I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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