but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
