Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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