i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
