This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
