I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
two words...techno handjob
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
