why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
