Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
