he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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