he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
