Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
