He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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