Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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