Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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