mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I color on your dick again?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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