Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Farmville is her only friend.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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