yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize