I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
