mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
