There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
