Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
