We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
