NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
