when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
