Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
