When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize