Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
