absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
