college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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