this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
