In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she pinky promised me she was 18
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
