did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just threw up on my dentist
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
