just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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