So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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