my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
