i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
