Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
