I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
