Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
