theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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