How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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