Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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