Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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