Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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