He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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