look no pants
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
