i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
