Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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