I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
