So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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