yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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