Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize