oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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