Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
