it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
