i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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