so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my poor anus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
