Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

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(702): View more from Nevada

yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.

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(819): View more from Quebec

Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?

(604): View more from British Columbia

Each and every day.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.

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(806): View more from Texas

He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents

(908): View more from New Jersey

6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉

(908): View more from New Jersey

We are so blessed

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(607): View more from New York

This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.

(1-607): View more from New York

Zombies?

(607): View more from New York

Zombies.

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