We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize