my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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