i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do herpes really smell.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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