Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
